Testimonial from Maud Tijardovic – Clinical Psychologist specializing in addiction
Self-confidence is one of the most difficult things to gain and maintain, regardless of age. It is a fragile construct that deserves the full attention of healthcare professionals when they are faced with someone with low confidence and self-esteem.
When this lack of confidence is pervasive and affects several areas of a person’s life, they may try to compensate by using various substances such as tobacco, cannabis, or alcohol. These substances can create the impression that their distress is decreasing and that they are gaining confidence “artificially.”
- What issues come up most often during your consultations ?
I see many of my patients who present a common issue : a lack of self-confidence. They explain that they struggle to like and appreciate themselves. They judge themselves harshly and have difficulty recognizing their own worth. This issue affects their daily lives across several areas, professional, relational, and social. It is found in both non-smokers and smokers. However, in this type of situation, the addictive substance tends to fill this “gap” only superficially, as it makes things feel “more pleasant” (in the words of one patient).
- In your opinion, what is the origin of this lack of confidence ?
La confiance en soi se construit par trois biais différents :
- The first step is the familyWhen we are born, the first model we have is the family. It shows us what interpersonal relationships, conflicts, and communication styles are like. If we grow up in a healthy and loving environment, it provides a strong foundation for building self-confidence.
- The second stage appears around the beginning of middle school, with socialization among peers. We tend to turn toward people who are similar to us. It may sound like a cliché, but it is true, like in American TV shows where groups of teenagers resemble each other in their clothing styles and attitudes, athletes, goths, geeks. We naturally gravitate toward people who share our values and interests, and this contributes
rto a sense of belonging. As a result, our self-confidence is strengthened by our friends and peers. - The final stage is that of romantic relationships. Even if our family and friends value us, we also need to feel appreciated and loved by someone we are attracted to romantically. Through the eyes of the person we love, we can strengthen our self-confidence.
If one of these stages is difficult or does not go well, it can weaken our self-confidence and potentially create difficulties throughout our life.
- What tools do you use in practice to overcome confidence issues in your patients ?
When I encounter this type of issue, I use tools from cognitive behavioral therapies.I rely on many practical exercises, such as listing strengths and weaknesses, or imagining oneself in someone else’s shoes (a friend, a superhero, etc.) to help the patient gain perspective…
I also ask them about their values and the importance these have for them. Before learning to love oneself, it is important to know who you are. This is the key difference between self-confidence (knowing yourself) and self-esteem (the value you place on yourself).
- Do you have any advice that can be put into practice in everyday life ?
In everyday life, I give my patients exercises that they need to carry out on a daily basis, which are partly based on positive psychology.
For example, I may ask them to list, every evening, one skill they demonstrated during the day, arriving at work on time, getting ready in the morning, going for a walk… This helps boost their self-confidence and reinforces their sense of self-worth.
